It hurts. It’s ok that it hurts, and I know that now. It’s taken many, many years to come to that truth. Hurt doesn’t feel good, but it’s human and it’s part of this life. Embracing joy, peace, comfort, happiness, love, and contentment is simple. Embracing pain is not something that comes easy. I don’t know if embracing is even the right word, but for lack of better— I use it. Why do I say that hurt (pain) is ok? Certainly not because we like it, and absolutely not because I wish it for anyone. Pain reaches us in a spot that all the other states of being don’t reach. When we hurt, we need. When we hurt, we search. When we hurt, we ultimately grow.
There is no one circumstance that I am referring to. We all know what they are. They are those times when we are unable to find a reason why. They are the times when we feel a loneliness or a deep ache. They are the times we loose a loved one, or we loose an opportunity. The times an expectation is dashed. The times we are jaded by life. The times we feel different than those we most want to be accepted by. I could continue on and on, but so could you. It’s not that this is what life is about, but it’s that this is what living a human life is sprinkled with. I choose sprinkled, because joy, peace, thankfulness, excitement, contentment, love, and comfort are all sprinkled too, thank goodness!
I wondered— how can we accept and not be afraid of the pain that we must pass through on our life journey? We tend to look at the circumstance, the thing that haunts us, the overwhelming feelings that confront us. But looking at the process that pain leads us to and brings us through, is helpful. What have I found that experiences of hurt and pain can help in becoming? Here are a few:
Becoming a person who is able to be touched by other’s needs. You can’t go through your own life’s pain without becoming a person who has empathy. You may already have sympathy, but others ultimately don’t want sympathy. It’s empathy that we all long for. You can’t just “get” empathy. You have to gain it. You have to walk through the valley to truly comfort another. Because it’s not what you say that makes people feel comforted, it’s what they know you have passed through and what has become part of you.
Becoming someone who seeks the truth in life; someone who has depth, not superficial. Again, depth is something gained, something that results from experience. You may not believe in God, but pain certainly gives way to seeking out God. Hurt and pain leads to a need for something bigger than ourselves. It leads to a need that fills the emptiness with comfort that the world cannot give. We find a spiritual growth through pain. The words “Deep calleth unto deep” make most sense after we have experienced pain. The song “O Joy, that seeketh me through pain” is most understood.
Becoming a person who is grateful for every simple joy. When you never know pain, your appreciation of happiness, comfort and joy is not as full as it has potential of being. It’s easy to find happiness— but I guarantee that gratefulness for the times that we are content, excited, or peaceful is magnified ten-fold by our experience of a previously painful experience in life.
Becoming someone who has a quiet strength. There are no words needed to provide strength in order to support someone else in need, if you have passed through pain. Words are limited; words comfort in limited amounts. It’s the growth that you have experienced through your times of hurt, that provide a rock for someone else to find support.
Becoming less fearful. Experiences of happiness and joy are what we seek. Anything painful, we make most effort to avoid. Often times it’s the unknown that we fear, and the discomfort we wish to avoid. Being faced with a tough time, a painful time, is scary. But, as we walk though it and experience it, as we are embraced by God's presence, we realize that we are able to come to a point of acceptance and calm. It’s not that we’d ever choose to be in this place again, but we are not afraid to walk with others through this place.
So, just today I experienced a moment of pain. A ‘moment’ is a time description of the actual experience. A 'lifetime' is a more accurate description of how this hurt will benefit me. Don’t get me wrong. I’d be crazy to go looking for pain! It’s just that it’s inevitable— these times come to us. When I walked away, I thought to myself “Are you going to embrace this painful moment (even in tears) and let it shape you?" I felt a need to seek out God’s presence (not for answers to “why me” or “why in general”.) Only to fill the depth that opened in pain. I am not the same as I was before this experience, and that’s a fact. You will not be either, as you pass though these moments. A wise person said “No pain, no gain.” It’s not only true in sports or academics, but it’s simply true of life.
Finally, please don’t misunderstand this little essay I’ve written— I’m not promoting pain!! Seriously. I’m not. Neither am I trying to drape a big mysterious cloak to an otherwise joyful life. But we all have to admit— when you’ve been to these times, and through these times— you are the first to admit they exist! It’s looking at the way they shape us and what they allow us to become and how they allow us to grow is what I hope to share.
