End of an Era...

How many people can say they were proud owners of a large Red Eared Slider aquatic turtle?  I mean, really, can you?  We really had no idea what we were getting into the day we brought home the big guy, and even more ignorant of the amount of care he would need to keep him happy and healthy.  Had we of known, I cannot say we would do it again, but sheer ignorance brought a turtle into our lives and we will never, ever be the same again.  We are now "people who have had (and the emphasis is on "have" had) a turtle in our lives.

I have a tough time writing "big guy" and "Harold" and "He" as I refer fondly to the turtle we owned.  The day he came to us, we were informed that the turtle's name was "Stella" and that "she" would enter our lives with a lot of STUFF.  Tank, equipment, water conditioners, brushes, stand, food, filters and UV bulbs.  The night we brought her home will forever be engrained in my memory (like it or not).  She made her new home in Anthony's room and was his turtle from that night on. As well, she also had her gender identity changed, as she was immediately called Harold from that day forward and never was she referred to as Stella (unless in a joke) again.  

Harold needed all kinds of goodies when he came-- special foods and treats, water changes, water drops, a meal worm farm, bubbles, a basking platform and lots and lots of electrical plugs!  Anthony quickly grew accustom to the gentle sound of the water trickling through the filter, and the constant hum of the bubble aerator  as it pumped air into the tank.  I know he felt a special bond with Harold, because he always had a constant presence in his room.  Harold was soothing.  Harold was never judgmental, never unkind, never demanding.  The room was never empty at night, in the darkness-- Harold was there too.  He was, put simply, a friend.


The days grew into months, the months into years, and I took on the "mom-will-do-it" roll of cleaning the turtle tank because, well, it was a HUGE undertaking and not something like feeding the dog or tossing a ball.   It was a half a day committed to the tank!  Feeding, and buying became another chore on my list.  I often was the nightly "check" on Harold to see what he needed.  He was our pet (Anthony's pet) and he was a responsibility (my responsibility).  Turtles can live 40+ years, and I don't want a turtle when Anthony goes off to college.  I began talking about the "what ifs" of selling Harold.  Then I began talking about the "what ifs" of just giving away Harold.  It took some time, but to save you reading unnecessary details... the long of the short is that we all agreed that Harold should go to a new home.

Lots of work to get it to the car!

Adding tubs of items!

Please don't judge... he went to Ken Nakamura (turtle enthusiast) off of craigslist!!  Did we just suck another innocent and unsuspecting family into a the giant task of turtle-ownership??  Maybe.  But, I don't think so, because Ken told us he was "excited"... "had owned turtles before"... "was doing this as a Father's day gift"... and "was ready for the largeness of the tank".  What solidified my confidence that he did indeed know his "turtle stuff" was that he told us that Harold was indeed Stella!  We had sabotaged her gender identity all these years.  Poor thing!  She will be better off now with someone who knows that she is a girl!!!

Ken, giving the thumbs up and telling us it's a girl!

And, to wrap this up... we recently sat through a small speech about taking opportunities.  Big ones, small ones, happy ones, sad ones.  They all change us.  The opportunities come, the opportunities go. I'm not saying that Harold was an opportunity I would recommend, but we unknowingly took him on, and as I mentioned... we are now those people who owned a turtle in their lives.  I mean, seriously, how did Erma Bombeck get her writing material??  From the sheer grit of everyday life!  We live it, we write it, we share it, we laugh and we cry.  As the song by Faith Hill says, "Life is hard child, and so is love..."  We loved, and we gave away, and Anthony felt some sadness in the goodbyes and what will never 'be' again.  But, also in the words of of a famous song "You don't know what you've got till it's gone..."  I actually beg to differ in this particular case-- I DID know what we had before it was gone and I'm hanging on to the fact that seizing the opportunity to give Harold away was a good one.

Goodbye Harold!!!!!!!

Happy 16th Birthday Nate!!!

Happy 16th Birthday Nate!!!!!!!

So here we are…16 years later.  What can we say?  You should be driving Nate.  You should be begging us for a car.  We should be talking to you about getting your own insurance.  But, it’s not that way.  We found a different path with you— and one we could never regret.  You are the one who has changed us in ways that no one could imagine.  We don’t usually have words to explain it.  If you’ve not been on this path, it’s tough to imagine it through words.  So, we try, but usually, we just can’t describe it.  It’s different than anything and everything we imagined.  But, you have brought us the kind of joy that is much deeper than words can express.  We admit there are many days we wish that we could see you running, playing an instrument, telling a joke, or reading a favorite book.  But, that is for you— it’s not for us.  We love you just the way you are.  There is not one thing you have to change for us to love you more.  Everything we want for you— is for you!  You’ve shown us so much about ourselves, so much about what we thought we knew (but didn’t).  You’ve given us a chance to view life in a way we never could have without you!  Nothing has been easy.  This road is not what anyone would dream of.  You have taken us along 16 years of highs, lows, and everything in between.  You are one special dude!  We have watched you struggle to crawl, sit, stand, walk (with assistance) and learn to eat with a spoon.  Everything you have accomplished has come with more work than someone who earned their college degree!  You are strong— both physically and in what you set your mind to!   Our biggest hope is that you will always have those surrounding you who love you, will watch out for you, will cheer you on, will help make the best choices for your care and who will give you the acceptance to just be you!  We couldn’t love you any more on this special occasion of your 16th birthday!!!!  Nate “#Johnners”!! :)

Thoughts on Pain

It hurts.  It’s ok that it hurts, and I know that now.  It’s taken many, many years to come to that truth.  Hurt doesn’t feel good, but it’s human and it’s part of this life.  Embracing joy, peace, comfort, happiness, love, and contentment is simple.  Embracing pain is not something that comes easy.  I don’t know if embracing is even the right word, but for lack of better— I use it.  Why do I say that hurt (pain) is ok?  Certainly not because we like it, and absolutely not because I wish it for anyone.  Pain reaches us in a spot that all the other states of being don’t reach.  When we hurt, we need.  When we hurt, we search.  When we hurt, we ultimately grow.  

There is no one circumstance that I am referring to.  We all know what they are.  They are those times when we are unable to find a reason why.  They are the times when we feel a loneliness or a deep ache.  They are the times we loose a loved one, or we loose an opportunity.  The times an expectation is dashed.  The times we are jaded by life.  The times we feel different than those we most want to be accepted by.  I could continue on and on, but so could you.  It’s not that this is what life is about, but it’s that this is what living a human life is sprinkled with.  I choose sprinkled, because joy, peace, thankfulness, excitement, contentment, love, and comfort are all sprinkled too, thank goodness!  

I wondered— how can we accept and not be afraid of the pain that we must pass through on our life journey?  We tend to look at the circumstance, the thing that haunts us, the overwhelming feelings that confront us.  But looking at the process that pain leads us to and brings us through, is helpful.  What have I found that experiences of hurt and pain can help in becoming?  Here are a few:

 Becoming a person who is able to be touched by other’s needs.  You can’t go through your own life’s pain without becoming a person who has empathy.  You may already have sympathy, but others ultimately don’t want sympathy.  It’s empathy that we all long for.  You can’t just “get” empathy.  You have to gain it.  You have to walk through the valley to truly comfort another.  Because it’s not what you say that makes people feel comforted, it’s what they know you have passed through and what has become part of you.

Becoming someone who seeks the truth in life; someone who has depth, not superficial.  Again, depth is something gained, something that results from experience.  You may not believe in God, but pain certainly gives way to seeking out God.  Hurt and pain leads to a need for something bigger than ourselves.  It leads to a need that fills the emptiness with comfort that the world cannot give.  We find a spiritual growth through pain.  The words “Deep calleth unto deep” make most sense after we have experienced pain.  The song “O Joy, that seeketh me through pain” is most understood.

Becoming a person who is grateful for every simple joy.  When you never know pain, your appreciation of happiness, comfort and joy is not as full as it has potential of being.  It’s easy to find happiness— but I guarantee that gratefulness for the times that we are content, excited, or peaceful is magnified ten-fold by our experience of a previously painful experience in life.

Becoming someone who has a quiet strength.  There are no words needed to provide strength in order to support someone else in need, if you have passed through pain.  Words are limited; words comfort in limited amounts.  It’s the growth that you have experienced through your times of hurt, that provide a rock for someone else to find support.

Becoming less fearful.  Experiences of happiness and joy are what we seek.  Anything painful, we make most effort to avoid.  Often times it’s the unknown that we fear, and the discomfort we wish to avoid.  Being faced with a tough  time, a painful time, is scary.  But, as we walk though it and experience it, as we are embraced by God's presence, we realize that we are able to come to a point of acceptance and calm.  It’s not that we’d ever choose to be in this place again, but we are not afraid to walk with others through this place.

So, just today I experienced a moment of pain.  A ‘moment’ is a time description of the actual experience.  A 'lifetime' is a more accurate description of how this hurt will benefit me.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’d be crazy to go looking for pain!  It’s just that it’s inevitable— these times come to us.  When I walked away, I thought to myself “Are you going to embrace this painful moment (even in tears) and let it shape you?"  I felt a need to seek out God’s presence (not for answers to “why me” or “why in general”.)  Only to fill the depth that opened in pain.  I am not the same as I was before this experience, and that’s a fact.  You will not be either, as you pass though these moments.  A wise person said “No pain, no gain.”  It’s not only true in sports or academics, but it’s simply true of life.

Finally, please don’t misunderstand this little essay I’ve written— I’m not promoting pain!!  Seriously.  I’m not.  Neither am I trying to drape a big mysterious cloak to an otherwise joyful life.  But we all have to admit— when you’ve been to these times, and through these times— you are the first to admit they exist!  It’s looking at the way they shape us and what they allow us to become and how they allow us to grow is what I hope to share.  

Illness in the house!

What do you do when your sick?  I mean really. really. sick.  Last week a horrible illness came to our house (uninvited as always!)  It came home with son #2  in the form of a high fever, lethargy, coughing, stuffy head and general malaise.  It hung on throughout the week...until we finally sent in the big guns (an antibiotic) to help treat the junky, clunky, heavy-duty cough.  It is tapering off in the first person it hit, but not without taking a stab at ever other person in the house.  The big boy is sick... gunky, gunky nose and lethargy.  Slight fever and slight cough.  I got hit with a whammy version of it-- a cough that insists on going lower and lower into my chest, causing fits of hacking-- tearing at the lining of my throat.  Moms can't get sick.  They just can't, because there is just too much to do.  There are too many things to take care of.  But. I. sure. did.  and it's not going anywhere fast.  Nat  is "under the weather" but not like the rest of us.  The illness took a stab at him, but I don't think it's going to take him down.  Take that, virus!!

So what to do?  Here's what we do:  If you are sick at our house (and I mean really truly sick), we do what we can to ease your pain.  If you think french fries and chicken soup sound good, you get french fries and chicken soup.  If you want popsicles and "special sparkling soda", we try it!  There are blankets strewn accross the couch, there are snuggies and pillows and the like!  Beds come down-- from top bunk to a special spot on the floor so pillows can prop you up and moms can check on you in the night.  Mentholatum chest rub wafts through the air, coughdrops sit on the kitchen counter (along side cough medicine, antibiotics, tylenol and syringes!)  Blinds stay closed for a good part of the day.  Cartoons play as kids drift in and out of sleep.  Dishes get done a few at a time, here and there.  The laundry piles up into mounds and mounds.  Did I mention they are huge mounds?  We just do what we can to make it through the day.  We think of better days ahead and remind ourselves that we've been this sick before and managed to get well again!  Any and all water-conservation goes out the window!!  (Not that we were good at that before...)  Nathan takes baths that last for hours and hours... he sits with his head proped on the side of the tub almost asleep, as the water trickles over his sore ear.  We have chairs accross the bathroom for anyone who wants to take a turn staying by his side-- complete with space for a laptop or ipad, a book or a drink.  Anthony asks for steam showers several times a day to clear his head.  We muddle and struggle and just manage through the days, knowing that one day soon... it'll all be a distant memory!

When that day comes...then we'll clean the house-- open the blinds up wide-- tackle the mountains of laundry-- eat healthy-- exersise and organize and maybe even attempt to conserve a bit on the water!  (That'll be the day!  It can't come soon enough!!)

Where's the Sun?

     Every fall, it's exciting to see the leaves turn lovely shades of red, orange and yellow.  The cool air is always crisp, harboring an elusive feeling of anticipation.  We anticipate the changing of the seasons and the prospect of closing out one to proceed into another.  I love knowing that we have seasons and I love that we can look forward to a new one always just around the bend.  However, it's inevitable that every January, I am looking WAY forward to spring!!  When the clouds are grey and heavy and the air is continually damp, when the ground is soggy and the flower pots are brimming with rain water... I crave the sun!

     Around here, the sun does peak out occasionally.  It gives us a reminder that it has not left us alone for good.  We need to know that we are not left to our own devices under the thick, heavy, dark skies.  Even if the sun plays hide and seek, only coming out for a single day or even a single afternoon, we are relieved and refreshed and revived. 

     Yesterday, was a day of sun.  We visited the park and ran and played on the playground.  The families, the children, the dogs were all upbeat and energetic.  It was as if each one was saying, in their own way, "hooray for life!"  Everyone seemed relieved to know that the sun was still there.

     Today, it's grey.  Today it's drizzly and damp and cold.  The sun is hiding and can't be found, not even for a small peak!  But, we know (thanks to yesterday and the many other days it has showed it's smiley face) that it will appear again!

New Day... New Year... New Start...

     While there hasn't been a post on my blog since May of last year, there is quite simply "no time like the present!"  It was just last year that I discoved the world of blogging and have since realized how entertaining, inspiring and fulfilling it can be to follow along on other people's life stories and life perspectives.  I also realized how wonderfully creative some people write and I quickly digressed from my own writing.  Yet, as unsure of it as I am, it's a new day, a new year, and I'm ready to jump back into a new start at this blogging. 

     Being as the title of my blog is 'Moments of our Lives'... it is fitting to simply jump back into a single moment, without the need to recapture the entire last 6 months.  So, I will recount the night, nearly one week ago that we welcomed (ok... maybe I didn't warmly welcome) a large turtle into our household.  The littlest boy just turned nine years old.  He's been asking for a turtle, then a dog, and if not a dog, than how about a turtle... and so it went for the past half a year.  Our response was usually something like "we'll see..."  "not now..."  "save up your money..."  "that's a lot of work..." "hmmm...." and other less interesting responses, like "I just don't know, honey."

     As December neared, and we considered what gifts might be in order for a certain someone (who was turning 9)'s birthday, a turtle came back up for discussion.  Grandparents asked what the young boy wanted, and offered to help with the purchase of a turtle.  Being the frugal parent that I am, I dodged Petsmart and went straight to Craigslist.  To my suprise, there was a turtle up for "rehoming" in our very neck of the woods!  I was excited at the prospect of a turtle and all it's supplies coming home easily and in one fell swoop.

     The night of "pick-up" or "rehoming" eventually came and although the details of the entire encounter are too many and too crazy to include in this particular episode of journaling... suffice it to say, it was a late...very dark... and undoubtedly adventurous night that we experienced!  At some later date, maybe I can take time to relay the experience, but I will now jump straight to end of story:  Late night!  Giganitic (much bigger than I expected) 55 gallon aquarium tank!  Filters, heater, airator, cords!  Buckets!  Foods! Net, pump, book, papers!  Tank lights, covers, basking light, basking platform, rock structures!  And the most important part: a happy nine year old boy who changed the turtle's name from "Stella" to "Harold Salvione", because "how do we really know it's a girl anyway?"  

(And... in case you didn't know... Harold eats 7 goldfish on Sunday, shrimp on Tuesday, and Reptosticks on Thursdays and other times he needs a small treat.)    

(Harold Salvione)

Goodbye Blue!

He was a great house-guest, that Blue.  (Wait... I'm assuming it was "he" that was a great house-guest, is it possible it was "she?"  We may never know.)  He came to stay with us last week.  He was jiggled and sloshed and bounced across the street and into our home. 

He was possibly the most unassuming house guest we have ever had.  He never made a peep, nor requested something that we couldn't give him.  He didn't mind when we weren't around.  He was as gracious a guest as one could be, seemed to be content with his guestroom (a.k.a. our bathroom counter) and even shared the space with us.

He didn't cause any trouble (except a few minor panic-attacks to mom when she thought that the big boy may have gotten into the guestroom and opted to "hold" the guest... whew!-- didn't really ever happen.)  And another small panic attack when mom heard from the little boy that the fish "accidentally" got too much food.  Needless to say, we are so glad that Blue stayed alive for us the entire weekend (thank you, Blue!) 

Tonight he will get sloshed and jiggled and bounced back across the street to his real home.  He will be happy to back in familiar surroundings I am sure.  (... Or maybe "she" will be happy!)

Come again, Blue!  We'd be more than happy to have you.